time to clean the clutter

time to clean the clutter

Its spring in michigan. You couldnt tell by the weather  here lately, though. Apparently, Mother Nature  (to wit my kids both tell me that Mother Nature is God...) hasnt quite decided to let us have some warmer weather and sun that lasts more than one day.  I can see the beginnings of spring; the buds are on the trees, there are sprouts of last years plants reaching for the sky, and of course the grime and junk that is left over from the winter.
For some reason today, cleaning out the kitchen cupboards was the thing to do.  It was almost automatic.
Through the window I can hear my chickens clucking, while I have my ipod playing my favorite music in the background.
As I take out all of the small appliances, trays, kids paint, and other aquired items in my cabinets, I think of who gave it to me and when. For some there is a story behind it and for others it was a junking find that at the time, I Had To Have It. Because I Didnt Know When I Would Need It.  Thats how my world has functioned. I have done this kind of cleaning before and have looked at something that has traveled with me over a few states, and thought "I cant get rid of this, I might need it later" How much of ourselves do we keep for a later use? How difficult it is to get rid of issues and bad habits that we know we dont need, nor do we have any real reason to keep it, yet we hang onto it.  I supposed it is a comfort to have what we know, like a couch that has really bad cushions, but it is so comfortable, despite the fact we have pain when we get up from sitting.
I know for the longest time, I held onto behaviors that were not the even the closest to being healthy, but it was what I learned as a child. They got me through some really terrible times and awful moments. I have slowly learned that I dont have to keep what is painful and what no longer works.  I can let them go, to fly by themselves, to finally be free. And in return I can be free. Free to clear the clutter not only from my house, my heart, my soul and my life.
Long ago when I was fired from the hospital, I had awesome dreams, that I could fly; weightless, soaring above everything. I was no longer held down by stress, fear and pain.   I was finally free.
A year later, I am cleaning up the rest of my life.  I am flying free.

rain

Rain. Water from the sky from Gods own watering can.  It cleanses the salt and sand from the road, clearing all of the dirt from winter, washing the dust and dirt from the truck, or cleaning away the leftover snow. It has great power when put into specific conditions. It can annihilate a town, yet feed it as well. It is sustaining yet destructive. I sit at my computer watching the rain outside; how it falls staight down, pelting the railing and drenching the flag. The flag the stands for the freedom that I have to be able to sit and write.
My backyard is now full of water because the ground is still cold and saturated from winter. It is sometimes diffucult to remember that even though the sky is gray and full of clouds, that somewhere the sun is shining. Somewhere else someone is feeling the warmth of the sun that I wish I could feel now.
But as the rain falls, I think about what will grow later. I will try to be a gardner this year, producing food for my family.
The children are sad that it is rainging, having played outside for a couple of hours before it started raining. We have new neighbors, so now I can bribe them with getting their chores done before going outside. My children now have other children with which to play. This summer is going to be good for them; learning how to play in a group, writing adventures, and memories for the rest of their lives.
But for now those adventures will have to wait til the rain is done. 

pivotal

I have been a parent for the past almost 11 years. Sometimes it feels a lot longer and there even those days that the the almost 8 years for the second son should be added on. My husband and I have gone about our parenting days, attempting to mold the little minds that we have been given so that they will survive in the world. We teach manners, right and wrong, dont chew with our mouth full, and when to wipe. Up until now, life has been easy. (and easy is a relative thing...) There have no major issues; connor is grossed out by naked girls/women, and really has no desire to "like" anyone. I'm okay with that.
Deoderant and the consistant wearing of it is at times a struggle. As is brushing teeth. I have told both of them that I reserve the right to say "I told ya so" when the dentist says " You have a Cavity".
We have come to a crossroads now. Both boys are in public school in our school district. And up wuntil now, there have not been any issues with either on of my boys. Fear of the future has now set in, knowing that Connor will "graduate" onto 6th grade. I am not so sure he is ready. Now, every child goes through the Im Not Ready for this stage. My fear lies in the fact that I dont know if 5th grade has been or is now preparing them for what lies ahead. Academically. Socially. It is  hard to have two bookends hold up books when one of them is soft. I feel that connors teacher is not holding up her side of the bargain.  And I think that my son is not the only one that is suffering. My friend disagrees with me totally, and seemed to put it on me; that we werent holding up the end of our deal.  I supposed that could be true, I am not perfect and cannot always remember everything. The teacher sees him more than I do and I thought that she would have been a bit more involved in reminding and shaping. Maybe my expectations of the teacher is too high and I am lacking in teacher/parental skills. Hes my first ya know.
We have to decide whether to keep the boys in a traditional school and hope for the best;that Connor will "get it" and it will all kick in, or we try another school. I have to do what is best for my children, providing the best education, skills and shaping that I can. Hopefully with the guidance that we are recieving, we will make the right choice for our boys. And hopefully they wont hate us for it.