may I introduce the boys...

these are my boys.Besides their dad, they are the loves of my life. The two little people in my life that make me proud, cause me joy, make me laugh and some days make me drink. Oh and cause me to have silver hair. I dont have cool silver hair either. Not like my second cousin who has this really cool stripe down her head. No I get silver speckled on the sides and thru the top. no one says they can see it but I know it is there. Really it does not bother me so much. What bothers me more is the natural color of my hair, mouse shit brown. Oh but I have gotten off the boys. The larger of the two is Connor and he is 9yrs. The smaller is Christian and he is 6yrs. Now connor makes me tired. He and I are alot alike and usually butt heads. Christian is quiet and he plays right into whatever I need him to do and in most situations he will see his brother get into trouble and be the good one. Connor gets pissed easily but he also can be the nicest and most loving boy there is. Christian snuggles. I cant believe they are a big as they are. where did the time go? How was I lucky enough to get these two? what did I do to deserve them? My boys....

I wave the white flag

you might have seen it but I started to wave the white flag. you know the one. when you have just had ENOUGH and you need the bricks to stop falling on your head, you need the quick sand to harden so you stop falling down, you need the world to just stop. Our problems are relative. what we find to be highly stressful someone else may not even balk at. my friend has cancer. to me that is big. bigger than what I am going through. and yet my stress still sucks and seems like there is a mountain looming over my head and I cant get a break. I realized that my stress comes from me not trusting in God like I should be. there is a poem that says that we has humans are supposed to give all of our crap to God, but when we feel like He is not doing enough, we dtry to take it back. and we try to fix it ourselves. I took it back. and I have been paying for it. hence the white flag. can you see it waving? can you feel the breeze? I can. I allowed myself to take my shit back and try to fix it myself. For that Lord I am sorry. I am truly sorry and I humbly repent. (from my episcopal days). it is easy to forget and just go on with our days, to think that we can just do it ourselves. but the fact of the matter is He is our life and He has the control and will take care of us. He makes the sun rise and fall. He is my comforter, my Father, my source of strength. with Him I can do anything.....

Holland sucks less than........

We all know about the survey that named Holland as the 2nd happiest town in the country. Boulder Colorado was the first. Not sure how that happened but it did. I have never been there so I really dont have any comments. Now I have talked to 2 groups of friends. The first wanted to know who "they" spoke with that gave them the idea that Holland was a happy place. The three of us are not the typical Holland residents; we are not dutch. (which when I first moved here was told if you're not Dutch you're not much) My response at that time was the same as it is now, yea whatever.
My other friend and I talked about it today over some very important yarn and she had a different viewpoint. She says that she is happy here in Holland. The other side of that coin is that she still feels like a transplant as do I. So we came up with this: Holland is the second less suckiest place to live in under Boulder, of course. So I guess if that was your view that Holland could very well be considered a happy place to live. I just wish more people in Holland were happy and not afraid to be themselves and not what they think they should be.
My husband pointed out that I started this blog about the same time that this survey came out. Define irony.
On a sillier note, have you ever noticed that a cow can only give you an evil eye out of one eye?

click on the ads!

so I went on a job interview today. I had to get big girl pants, cuz after 2 kids, nothing fit anymore. I went the kaki pants route because ya know everything matches kaki. I looked as professional as I could and I'll have you know I was nice. I did not swear or use bad language. By the fact I went on a job interview I still dont have a job; at least one outside of the home. I spoke with my old boss and she asked me if she could do anything. my response was of course GIVE ME MY JOB BACK!!! yeah that did not happen, otherwise I would say HEY I GOT MY JOB BACK!!!! she did offer me chocoate but because I gave up sweets and desserts for Lent, chocolate was out. We already have discussed the whole swearing thing and how its not working. I then asked her for money. nope did not happen either.
So here is the point of the blog...CLICK ON MY ADS!!!!!! you see if you click on the ads, I might get money. And I need money right now. street walking came to mine, pole dancing also came to mind. but I dont like seeing me naked, dont think anyone else wants to either. now that I have left you with THAT image, have a good night.

heres to you my friend

my friend hamster (amy) has breast cancer. she has been fighting the life altering disease since about last november (hamster forgive me for getting the dates wrong). I have toasted her in her blog (fightinglikeagirl-amy.blogspot.com) many times because I admire her in how she has dealt with her disease and how it has changed her life and her families. I recently made changes in my blog and added some new stuff. I was never a real "go pink" person. truthfully I hate the color pink. and anyone who knows me knows I am not a pink person. but since hamster was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have supported her and her fight to live. she is a testiment to how strong one needs to be when faced with a life altering illness. I know she is blessed by Gods love and she will win this fight! so heres to you my friend. SALUTE!!!

meet my teacher

so meet my new teacher. Trish! everyone say hello to trish! this is not a addictions group so we dont have to say what we are addicted to. I am addicted to yarn so there is mine. I thought I had my blog all figured out (like I have anything figured out) and she taught me how to imbed my pics in the blog. she is just an awesome friend and we are such in the same place right now. so now I know how to do cool things.
new topic....today is the start of lent. I told my children I would give up cursing for the 40 days. so far today I have sworn 10 times. I dropped my kids off at school and yelled a driver. that was number 3. I have apologized to God and asked for forgiveness.I think He is laughing at me and this morning He snorted milk out of nose. Oh the thought of the Lord laughing at me is just so humbling!
by the way holland was picked at the second most happy place to live. I wonder who they talked to.....

humbled

I went to michigan works to register for unemployment. It was a humbling experience to be one of "those" people. I actually saw someone I knew (he did not know me and by the way I felt better seeing him) and I did a double take. Unlike most of the people there, I was not layed off, I was fired. And it was my fault. I do take ownership of my wrongdoing. Unfortunately, some of the prevoious warnings were bullshit and should not have been recognized, but it is what it is. I think it was a way to get me gone. Not that I am paranoid, just saying what I think.
Speaking of what I think, no one has to agree with me. I will say exactly what I mean and I mean what I say. I walk the talk. This blog contains my thoughts, ideas and feelings. It is not my intention to piss anyone off, but if that happens, so be it. Everyone is allowed opinions (except if you live in Holland) and is able to express them. I am not saying mine are right they are just my own. Make comments if you wish. Say what you want. thats what I am doing.
anyway back to michigan works...did it, done it, got a receipt for it.

big ferocious dog

this is my first attempt to put a picture from my computer onto my blog. I feel so smart! no not really, but this whole blog thang is making me use the computer way more than I ever have. My friend trish (picture coming later) got me started and told me it was easy to put pics on flckr and then to my blog.
So this is the first pic and it is of my big ferious dog, gracie. She will run to you with tongue hanging out and lick you to death. then she will put her head between your legs like she wants to do something not right, and she only wants you to scratch her ass. When she barks it comes from the deepest part of her being. And as she is doing so she is wagging her tail. With her around, the boys and the hubby, she fits right in with her burping and farting. oh and I just changed her dog food and her gut has not gotten used to it yet so her ass smells like something crawled up there and died. thank goodness for lysol.

JPN

For those of you who dont know what the above stands for it is Just Plain Nuts; aka JFN (just fucking nuts). these terms are used in any emergency department and refer to those people who are just plain fucking nuts! you know the people (mostly relatives at holiday parties) who say they are dying at every get to gether. the people who come in to the ED every week, or every night as the case may be. They use "WEB MD" as their personal dr and then come into to the ED with the EXACT signs and symptoms. The ones who come into the ED and complain of several different things that lead to nothing. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with them .
Then of course there are the really crazy people. they are just plain fun! (not the depressed people, they are no fun at all, they cry) but the ones who hear voices and such. Now I bring this but because as most of you know I am just a little off kilter. stop laughing. I also applied at Pine Rest. okay now really stop laughing!
When I worked in the ED I got along with the JPNs quite well. I wonder if that says anything about me?

snow day

I awoke this morning to the phone ringing. In my sleepy stupor I stumbled to the phone and tried to push the talk button. I instead hit the redial (damn phone) and caused the phone to dial instead of hear the message. I stumbled back to bedroom, opened the bathroom door and mumbled something to my husband about the phone ringing and school being closed. Of course I was not about to actually get up out of bed, go to the TV OR computer to see for myself. I went back to bed. Jon (the hubby) left and came back in and said, I turned the boys' alarm clocks off, NO SCHOOL.
So the children are both home today. The good thing about that was I could stay in bed a little longer. YIPPEE!!! Ya know this not working is tiring. Today we have finished their valentines boxes(duct tape and gorilla glue all the way!!), made cupcakes for tomorrow and rolls for jons potluck. I swear those people at his work have potlucks every 2 weeks!!! THe children are watching cartoons for awhile and this is the only time they have not wanted to kill each other. I threatened them with throwing them outside without snow clothes on . kids.....at least it is NOT swowing.
oh and the children will go to school tomorrow only to have WINTER BREAK FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY! who needs a winter break anyway? certainly not them!!!
next time I will tell you stories about cockroaches. did you know baby roaches can fly?

my monster is out there somewhere....

I am unemployed and have been for about the past 2.5 weeks. It felt odd of course, like thinking (on the days I was SUPPOSED TO WORK) I know I have somewhere to go today..oh no I am UNEMPLOYED!!! I have no one to blame but myself, really. It's kind of hard for me to not piss anyone off. It's not like I try (well sometimes I do but not this time). So back to being without somewhere to go to earn money to pay bills. I went to Monster.com and filled out the questionaire. My profile was only "medium strength". Like it wasn't powerful enough to set the glitter ball off or the sirens?! And when I filled out the skill section I only got one star, like my job could be done by a monkey!!! well maybe a trained monkey...
So now I am officially on the web cybering around waiting for the computer program to match me with my perfect job. everyone knows that the perfect job is staying home AND getting paid. Like that's gonna happen.
I'll let you know if you monster comes knocking at my door. hopefully I dont pull out my husbands .357.
....now that would be difficult to explain

not computer savvy

I decided that I would be really cool and go to my friends blogspot (fighting like a girl-you should read it sometime) and try to get those really colorful backgrounds. I am NOT computer savvy, I mean I usually screw around with all the buttons until what I want to happen happens. It says to copy and paste and do ya THINK I CAN COPY AND PASTE? I sat here for I dont know how long trying to get the fricken computer to do what I want. I realized I was not asking the right questions. stupid me!
so my kid is doing math homework and making all sorts of noise (anyone who knows my kid, the oldest one by the way, CAN NEVER BE QUIET) and what I did on the computer finally worked and I screamed. Scared the crap out of him and the dog. YEE HAA IT WORKED!So now I have this cool background and I did it all by myself.
I did nothing much today, I naggybitched yesterday, so I took the day off. damnit!
oh thanks to "the coolest blogspot on the block" for my colors!!!

never thought I would do this

so here I am, 40 years old, unemployed and blogging for the first time. I never thought I would do this and always thought that if you had time to blog, you had too much time. but alas I have joined the cyber world of writing about my life. I make no excuses for what I think or how I put into words. I cuss, I speak my mind and so therefore I apologize for nothing. my opinions are not of the conformist kind. I clash with alot of people who dont understand me and I really don"t care. I did not grow up in this area and for that I have not made some people happy. Again, I don't care what they think of me. Oh and by the way , those who don't understand me never took the time to find out who I was and how I got the way I am. they can all piss off as far as I am concerned. I know who my true friends are.
so here I am, the mother of 2 boys and the wife of a husband who tolerates my yarn stash. He thank goodness has loved me from the beginning and has been a saint. Sometimes I don't know why he stayed. but enough for now. I have to go do something productive. thank you naggybitch!