just crap

I have been thinking for the past few days about what I could bitch about. I could go on and on about how I started walking on the treadmill (finally) and then at the end of the week, the sore throat started. I then awoke on saturday feeling like every joint had been bent backwards and the sore throat was not sore anymore but it felt like someone was ripping my throat thru by mouth and letting it phwap back into place. And now I have a nice little viral cough that makes me cough so hard I think that my lungs are coming out thru my ribs and my vocal cords are getting stretched out my nose. I could bitch about how everytime I start an exercise plan it gets thwarted by something( dont you like the word thwarted)
But I have chosen to write about waiting. My friend trish is waiting for a zipper to come in the mail so she can finish her sweater. My other friend, rob is waiting for his mother to stop being a bitch ( will never happen). Hamster is waiting for the chemo to be done and get the all clear from her doc that she is cancer free. cuz then she can start really living without the cape of cancer hanging over her.
and what am I waiting for you ask? a plan. a direction. a nudge. I was turned down for 2 jobs; one because I had too much experience and the other because I did not have enough. when I found about the second the initial thought was oh fuck now what. But this road is not on my map and is not guided by me. I have no idea what is around the next rock. It could be a very pissed off bear, cat or like in the cartoons one of those anvils that will squash me flat. Or it could be a rainbow with a pot of gold. Dont know. Thats the mystery of our Lord. He does things when we least expect it and are not really prepared for it. So here I sit waiting; going about my daily stuff. Cleaning the toilets, baking stuff so I can save money, and knitting. (thats a fun way to pass time) waiting...we all wait for something dont we?
"For I know the plans I have for you..."

cocoon

The past few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. My road has been rocky and uneven, causing me to trip and stumble. I have made it through the really bumpy parts and am now sitting on a rock, waiting. I am waiting for Gods plan to come to fruition. It was not my doing to lose the safety of the ER, as some paperwork that I have seen recently says. I had no plans of changing my life so drastically to cause such a tornado of emotions or the upheaval it caused my family. I am sure there are some people in the ER that are happy I am gone. I was a renegade in some respects. I worked hard for my patients at any cost. And I went against the grain of the Holland way. For those who truly miss me, I'm sorry I left. The department is quiet now.But anyway, I have survived to tell my story and I did not give up or hide under a rock placing blame on anyone else.
I realized today that I placed myself into a self made cocoon.I crossed the rocky road and when I felt safe enough, I wrapped myself tight to heal. I stayed within the confines of my world, only coming out when I needed to. God wrapped me as well. He wrapped His arms around me, holding me tight, to feel safe, loved, and strengthened. I am so grateful. I am at the point of growth, like the world right now; the earth is coming alive, the birds are awake and singing, the breeze is just a little warmer. I am feeling more alive and renewed. God has been caring for me, allowing me to hibernate and recoup. Just like the butterfly who has been pent up in its cocoon, I am spreading my wings, venturing out, remembering who I am in Christ, and the friends who I have missed. I fear for the unknown, but God will never leave me alone or on my own. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Thanks be to God

what the???

Ok this isthe second time I have composed this. I tried before and the computer was not connected to the internet. fucking computer.
I got a letter yesterday from a company I applied to for a job. I was told from the Great Interviewer that I would receive a call letting me know how I did on the tests. And you ask tests? Yes they are the tests That Show Us How Much You Know. I went into this place for an interview. when I got there I was given tests to take. At one point I thought maybe I should not be a nurse anymore! Really. So I finished the tests and left. I got this letter yesterday and it said the following..."You experience and expertise dont match with any of our patients at this time" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!?!?!?!? The person in me who sees the glass as half full thought AM I THAT STUPID! Should I be a nurse any more? After 19years someone along the way would have said "hey stupid stop being a nurse" Then I got a grip on my undies and thought no wait I'M TOO SMART FOR THEM! Thats gotta be it! There is no one sick enough for me to care for. And lets face it, they send sick people home but no one THAT sick. And really, I would be bored and waiting for something really cool to happen. highly unlikey. There are some who think that home health is the greatest thing since stretch pants. And that great but I guess its not for me.
I have said from the beginning and after THE FIRING that God will put me where I need to be and now I know it is not with the home sick. It must not be for me. So I wait for my AWESOME JOB trying to think of what I can do with my new free time. I have been knitting and cleaning (ew). I know that pole dancing is out of the question cuz you cant wear stretch pants, but maybe I can knit a thong or two and sell them online......